Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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