The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
