I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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