Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
