I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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