I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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