And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
