I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
