So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
