She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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