I'm gonna have a badass scar
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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