thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
