The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
