508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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