well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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