just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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