My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize