we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
