It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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