Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
