And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
