I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
