I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
