so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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