If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
