ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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