4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got chris browned last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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