i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
