My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
