remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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