There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
