I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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