shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
