It's like God shit irony all over that family
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
