shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
