it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
