in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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