just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
