A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
