Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
