Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
