hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
