your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
