Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you never un-have a 4some
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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