I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just tell him i said nine months
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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