that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
