How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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