I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
