she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
