She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
