and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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