i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
