Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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