Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
