He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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