you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize