If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I looked at my own cervix.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There r osticjed everywhere
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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