just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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