I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
