everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize