Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
