All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
