While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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