Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
