YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is classic penis vs brain.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
