people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
