all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
