she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
