i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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