Swine flu. Run for my life!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
