look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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