I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
