so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she pinky promised me she was 18
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
