There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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